Day one of our journey through cancer began the day after our 12th Wedding Anniversary. We didn’t get to celebrate it yet. Life is busy. Raising four children, running a business, and working through loss had kept our plate full, and our anniversary plans on hold, for a few weeks anyhow.
There is nothing quite like hearing the word “Cancer” come out of the mouth of the one whose consistent love. whom God has used like no other, to undo me in so many broken places! It stopped my tracks cold in the “bad place” I was in. If it wasn’t for knowing my Savior’s sustaining, extravagant love and experiencing His power working in and around me….
It took a couple of days (for the both of us) to get from shock and numbness to the reality of what Mark, what we, were facing. To be honest, there was a lot of repenting going on in those two days! Repenting for grumbling and complaining of an already hard season in life! Repenting for taking time for granted. Hadn’t I learned that lesson, and hard already? Repenting for so many things. Oh, how your life can change in an instant. Hadn’t I recently learned that one too? Repentance is a gift straight from the Father’s heart to His beloved child. The bible says “His loving-kindness leads us to repentance” Romans 2:4. Pouring out our hearts to the ONE who has NEVER failed us became a daily appointment. His grace and hope surrounded us; it does still! He is our Anchor in these waters. We are not alone. He is here for us, and for all who would call on His name. Jesus, the visible image of the presently invisible God!
We are being taken to new depths and experiencing some of God’s innumerous names, those we have only read on paper, but now we are on our way to knowing personally. It became very clear that He wanted us to know Him as “The Rock”. The day after the first, but incomplete diagnosis, the passages of scripture that I read was Psalm 61. The verse where King David is making his plea for God to show up (“Lead me to the rock that is higher than I”) stood out to me. A day after reading that scripture, a sharp image came across my mind. I (lil’ ole me) was standing on The Rock (Mark’s presence was with me as we are one) in the middle of the ocean, a wild storm was raging all around, but I was unmoved! What? My feet were planted on THE ROCK, eyes fixed, although I did not see the Lord, my eyes, my focus was on Him alone! The image has been a constant reminder that He was, that He is near. And, since music has always ministered to my heart, God used a song that could have been written just for me in this moment of HIStory. Out of 400 CD’s, that’s four hundred, I picked out one, randomly I thought, by one of my favorite worship artists, Kim Walker-Smith. Number five is titled “Christ The Rock”!  I don’t recall ever hearing this song! But it was born out a place like this! Here goes the lyrics:

“On Christ the solid rock I stand
No double minded shifting sands

On Christ the rock I plant my feet
A firm foundation for me

On Christ the rock I place my heart
And trust in who You say You are

No circumstance that blows my way
Will never move this solid place
Holy (billowing X 4…I love this part!)
On Christ the solid rock I stand
Leaving behind the fear of man

With Christ the truth I will agree
Forsaking lies that come for me
On Christ the rock I lay my dreams
Come with Your fire consuming me

With Christ the rock I make my plans
Partner with Your purposes”

If you would like to listen to the song, click here https://youtu.be/fCuOW6bdfMU
That first week gets even more grace soaked. Yet travel down the road with me a couple of days later (after the image and song), shortly after leaving a meeting with the radiologist, a friends phone call reignites my weary heart and body. Get this! When I told her about the image God had given me, I heard that one of a kind excitement rise up in her voice as she said “Shannon”! If I were sitting next to her, I bet she would have smacked my leg as if saying “Get out”! I was immediately lifted. I knew something good was coming! She proceeded to tell me that a few weeks after the memorial service of my Dad and brother, which was in May of this year, she sensed God asking her to bring me a rock!! I know!! She had not done it, because the time was not meant for then, but for this moment! Think about how that would have went if she had brought the rock over when God originally laid it on her heart.  Awkward!  She shared the conversation she had with the Lord about that very thing. Quite amusing, as you could imagine!
What a gift for God to give us this daily reminder at the beginning of this trial! I am finding this quote penned by C.S. Lewis to be true. “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

I chose to press into Him that day and He spoke loud and clear to His beloved, yet undeserving daughter. I will choose to trust Him tomorrow and in whatever the future holds. It’s not always easy. But I will get up tomorrow and do it again because my God is good, despite what He allows to flow through His sovereign, but yes, ever loving, ever watching, ever saving, and ever present hands. My hope is not here in this world. It is in the eternal God alone!
This place is flawed. It is seriously broken and unfixable. If you, if I, put my hope in anyone of anything other than God, who created us in and for a love relationship, we will be let down! King Solomon lamented throughout the book of Ecclesiastes that in life “Everything is meaningless”. His argument is that all human effort apart from God’s will are meaningless. He had everything this world could offer. He tried it ALL, but when he left God out of the picture, nothing satisfied Him. Nothing. If we live our life without acknowledging the author of it, and following in His ways, everything we do here is in vain. All of our efforts are in vain. They will not last. They will not be remembered. Very sobering thoughts, I know! Solomon came to the wise conclusion that there is purpose in this life. It is found in knowing God, making Him known, and keeping His commands. This is my life’s quest and I will filter the rest of my days through this prism!