Author: Shannon Bejnar

Faith

Annual Christmas Newsletter 2017

                                                                              Christmas Newsletter 2017
Every year I continue Mark’s pre marriage tradition and write a year in review Christmas Newsletter.  We send it off to nearly 170 people and I so desired for it to be filled with the word I am choosing for this year….”HOPE”!  In case you’re not on that list, I wanted to make sure you get a chance to read it here. It was quite a daunting job to deliver the terrible blows we have faced, but the Holy Spirit, my counselor, showed up for me!!  Thank you God for inspiring hope and grace and overwhelming us with your presence and love through this jaw dropping, heart wrenching year!  You have always been faithful and I have no doubt you will remain!

Greetings Family & Friends,
I am starting this newsletter off with a quote, which very much applies to our year. “You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth of falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you. It is easy to say you believe a rope to be strong and sound as long as you are merely using it to cord a box. But suppose you had to hang by that rope over a precipice. Wouldn’t you then first discover how much you really trusted it?” from C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed.
In Twenty Seventeen, like no year previous, we are hanging over that precipice! We are witness bearers to the fact that our God continues to prove Himself faithful, over and over again, and in our time of greatest need. He is the rope and HOW STRONG HE IS! He has held onto us and is holding us up, I can say with a reverent and grateful heart! Oh, how He can be trusted, no matter what He allows in the natural order of things here on earth. And how He has made a way for us, for all who trust in His name!
It all started in February for me. I read a book called “The Broken Way” by Ann VosKamp. After describing multiple incidents of suffering and loss, she posed the question “What on earth do we do with our one broken heart in this world?” We all have felt the sting of this world’s brokenness. We’ve all been the recipient of it and we’ve certainly all given it! The answer. Become Cruciform, like a cross. Well how does one do that….? In her words, we give good brokenness for bad brokenness. There is no greater example of this than the cross of Christ. He paid a debt we can never repay! The redemption of our souls for His shed blood. Good brokenness for bad brokenness. So we have this example to follow in times of suffering and loss, in times of great despair and pain, in times of unbelievable circumstances. We “give it forward” to a broken world. Good brokenness for bad brokenness. Undeserved love. Acts of Kindness with no strings attached. Contagious generosity. We start a ripple effect of good things. We do good things! This affects change. This affects hope. This affects LOVE, which is the very character of God Himself.
In April I received a phone call that my dearly loved brother, Shaun, who struggled with addiction for many years, was dead. We would find out until months later that it was, as suspected, an accidental overdose. Our hearts were broken in a hundred pieces that day, but our hope lies on the other side of this life, in eternity, with God Almighty, when He makes everything right!!! Shaun completed Life Challenge in 2006, which is where he turned his life over to Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. After he graduated the program in 2007, poor choices, unresolved worked through pain, and a slow fade into familiar habits, led him to begin using on and off again. We made a decision, with very strict boundaries and rules, to allow him to live with us, which lasted for 7 months in 2015-2016. We are so very grateful for the time and memories we had with him! The boys got to know him and vice versa. He got to witness a women in pregnancy and all that came with that…! He was amazed that Ruby was in my belly one day and here on earth the next, as a precious tiny thing, with a fresh new life. I’m glad he got to see beautiful parts of God’s creation in this world. It is also a comfort to know that we did everything possible to encourage him to travel a different road, than the one we feared would end in this way. I look forward, with great anticipation, to the day of reunion, because I know I will see him again! I miss him every day!
Only four days later, while in Florida, my beloved Dad died, but only in his earthly form. He had been enjoying the pool and soaking up the sunshine and the creator of it! As a complication of lung cancer, my Dad got a blood clot that went from his leg to his lung, and needed to be hospitalized, to get control of it. After several weeks in the hospital he was moved to a rehab facility where he finally began to improve and we were hopeful and expecting for a safe return home. The nurses say the loss of my brother impacted the healing process and caused his body to give out. I will never forget our daily phone conversations in those last weeks of his life. We also talked a lot about Heaven after we believed Shaun to be there. My Dad believed on King Jesus also, after an undeniable experience in 1996, when the Lord answered his search for who was the “higher power”. He was in AA at the time, and put this question out there “If there is a God, reveal yourself to me, because I don’t believe it’s this pen I’m holding here”? My Dad was divinely directed to read the bible that had been sitting under a seat in his van. Since my Dad needed signs and wonders, the date he was directed to do this was on the exact date, only seven years earlier, that the bible had been written in and given to him! The verse that caught his attention to the answer to his prayer was John 6:44 where Jesus said “For no one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them to me, and at the last day I will raise them up.” This began a new obsession. He was on a quest and began seeking for truth and the answers to the big questions of life. He found them in God’s word and a personal relationship with the living God Himself! I know where my Dad is right now. He is in the presence of His perfect Heavenly Father, and Shaun, and they are truly at peace now! All of his questions are answered and understood in full, forevermore. No more pain, no more suffering, no more sorrow to face EVER again (Rev 21: 1-7). My hope is anchored in all of God’s promises of eternity and none greater than this fact that there will be no more suffering and separation! I know as long as God gives me breathe that I still have work to do here, but I can’t wat to see them too!
Adding sorrow upon sorrows, in August, Mark, my dearly loved and adored husband, and father to our four beautiful children, was diagnosed with a metastatic cancer. It started in the Bile Duct of the liver, and has traveled to his bones. With man, there is no cure, but nothing trumps the power of God except the sovereignty of God. Although we know God has given us all of time in eternity, through the redeeming blood of Jesus, we hope and pray daily for a miracle and an extension of years for Mark for the here and now!! Whether the creator chooses to do so is yet to be known. The process has been quite difficult and painful but what we have experienced here, in this dreaded place, is nothing short of the miraculous already! We have been the recipients of acts of kindness and generosity that overwhelm us to the point of tears. Love and prayers and expressions of all kinds, have been and continue to be, poured out to us to overflowing! We are being carried in this storm. We are being cared for like no other time in our lives. This does ease the day to day burdens we must bear and is a testament to the goodness of God to us individually and to our family. We are blessed far more than we deserve!!
Although, we walk this journey with all of you, it is mostly between ourselves and God. You see, this journey is each our own, and we travel it either with or without acknowledging the Giver of it. Imagine that! The creation not acknowledging the creator! We would never stand for it in our businesses, successes, or pursuits. We all fill our life with something. If not God, then substitutes, and even the faithful believer can do so. We could each fill in the blank here with every manner of things we use to medicate a wounded soul. Satan has given us many options in this world. I have found and I do dare say that nothing will satisfy, none but Jesus, in the here and now, and definitely in the after! Eternity is calling and coming closer each day and we just aren’t given the date after the dash, which will be on each of our headstones for none of us will make it out of here alive. Some might say “Too serious, Shannon”. It’s been a very serious year! So, are you ready? Mark and I are clothed and washed in the blood of Jesus, which is the only thing that makes us ready! It’s the only thing that can make any of us ready (Romans 3:21-26). One day, all our idols will be proved to be a house of cards. In this life, they will fall during times of trial and adversity, which is promised to come, and they will certainly all fall in the next, if not bulldozed down here.
I recently heard this: Life is not made up of the dreams that you dream, but of the choices that you make. Clearly, none of us is in control here. Our family is certainly between “The Rock and a hard place”. We didn’t ever think life would bring us a year like this! We have choices to make every day, sometimes hourly, and sometimes minute by minute. What, whom, are we going to put our hope and trust in this day? I don’t always choose rightly. I know, by personal experience, our creator to be the wooing and longing kind. He beckons me to draw near, to spend time with Him in His presence and in His word. Why? So He can scold me and tell me how I’m screwing up here and there? I used to think so. But NO, it just isn’t so! The reason is simply because He loves me. He loves me and He wants me to know it. He desires to speak to my hurting heart because HE IS LOVE. He is jealous for me, for you! All the idols I put before Him and yet He loves me still? Why? How? He wants me. He wants you! He created me, He created you, for a love relationship, to know Him and to make Him known to a broken, bruised, battered, and deeply hurting world. To give good brokenness for bad brokenness and He does it through us. Most days, I still have to reconcile with this fact. My Dad and brother are presently on the other side of this place. Their time here is up. I will not see them again…here! In my original shock I kept asking this question “That’s all they get”? 39 years? 64 years? They were here and now they’re not. Yet, they left a mark. Some very good, some not so good, like will be said of all of us, for we are all damaged by our sin and the sins of others. The big picture is this, death came into the world by the consequences of the fall of man, the fall of you and me. (Genesis & Romans 5:12) Yes, that is a part of the bad brokenness we have to deal with here. BUT, by the consequences of another man, God’s son, Lord Jesus, whosoever shall believe, have been pardoned! Our debt has been PAID IN FULL. Jesus left His heavenly home, to make a way for ANY and ALL who would believe and come to Him. The creator entered our broken world through His creation, the womb of a women (like we all do), to a dirty manger, to an agonizing death on a cross, to a stinking grave, to a glorious promised resurrection, and back to Heaven, which is where He is interceding for us to the Father, at this very moment, and where He is preparing a place for us, for all eternity, for all those who believe! I can follow a God like that!! There is no God like my God, King Jesus!!
I leave you with this. About a week after Mark’s diagnosis, my question to God was this “Why Mark, I need you to show me something”. He answered me this “My child, the suffering you have endured in your one life, my son bore all that suffering on that cross, and not just for you, but for all of humanity, for all of time, and ALL FOR LOVE!!! You can know this truth also, in whatever comes your way for the remainder of your days here. My response… “I am undone, LORD, all my questions are laid to rest here at the foot of the cross, I praise you for WHO you are”. My God is good and He has proven it, once and for all time. The greatest sacrifice ever made on our behalf, happened 2017 years ago!!! No matter what comes in this life, this fact is unchangeable, it is unshakable! So in this year two thousand seventeen anno domino, and every year after, I will praise the name of The Lord and glorify Him forevermore!!!
For updates on Mark and our family you can go to www.markmyhope.com
“I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice?”
― C.S. Lewis

Faith

November & Chemo Update

The kids and I finished about three and a half days of a “21 Days of Gratitude” bible study through November. Chemo made for a tough month! We could have used the other seventeen and a half days and then some to keep our perspective on track! My natural tendency stress relievers won over, which I am disappointed to admit. They never suffice. They never will! Only a false and temporary numbing salve, which is not the precious presence of Jesus I could have turned to. Sometimes, slow is the process of growing for this dumb sheep. Nothing in all this world compares to the presence of my Jesus! He is ALL I need and truly what my heart longs for in all my searching.  In eternity, He will be enough, but I want to choose Him here…every time!

The oncologist admitted Mark to the hospital at the beginning of the month for pain management. After a few days, during which he experienced the kindest nursing staff and care (next to mine of course :0) his pain was much better and we got to have him home again! The hospital ordered home care to follow up for the month. We ended up meeting some more of the nicest folks around! They were in the right profession for their skillset! The nurse, Scott, prayed with and for us and became a source of knowledge and support during that difficult month. Jennifer with OT was the same way! We felt, and continue to be, surrounded by God’s provision. There are so many God is using on this planet, and in our space and time, as His very own hands and feet! Yes it was a difficult month, but we came away feeling blessed beyond measure by the Father’s heart of love being poured out over us! Mark’s negative side effects progressed as chemo built up in his system with each treatment. By the end of November, he had eight straight days with very little quality of life, and was mainly bedridden. He made a wise decision to take December off of chemo, which turned out to be a month filled with seriously happy memories!! As challenging as November was, December was a breath of fresh air!

Faith

2nd Opinion & Current Treatment

We decided to get a second opinion to confirm the diagnosis of Bile Duct Cancer of the Liver with Metastasis to the bone.  The recommendation was to go through U of M in Ann Arbor since there is an oncologist who specialized in Pancreatic and Bile Duct Cancer.   This Dr. is the lead researcher (principal investigator) of new clinical trials.  A new trial was approved just 3 days prior to our appointment, which includes the use of immunotherapy  drugs.  Our dear friends, Bryan and DeAnn, who both work at U of M Hospital,  met us at the appointment.  Their expertise and support was invaluable for that day!  The meeting with the U of M Dr. was thorough and he answered a few of the questions we had.  The diagnosis and prognosis was confirmed to be the same but they offered three treatment options.  One being the same as the original oncologist, which is a standard type chemo drugs with the purpose to shrink tumors and potentially prolong life.  The second was the standard treatment plus adding an immunotherapy drug.  These drugs have only been approved for some other cancers thus far because research still needs to be done in Mark’s cancer type.  We learned that when you enter a clinical trial you do not have the option to choose which course of treatment you would prefer.  The computer picks at random from those entering the trial.  After prayer and consideration, Mark called the Dr. to discuss a few more questions.  The Dr. had met with a team of oncologists that same morning, which concluded that the clinical trial would not be in Mark’s best interest, since he could be picked for the two immunotherapy drugs, rather than the standard plus one.  We took that as God’s direction since we had bathed this one in prayer.

The current treatment plan in place that Mark is receiving is the standard chemotherapy for Bile Duct Cancer.  We chose to go through Beaumont Hospital mainly because it is closer to home and we have been happy with the care there.  Mark has two weeks on chemo/one time per week with one week off.  He has had two treatments to date with good days and bad days, which is to be expected.

God continues to speak to us in this “trial” and give us His peace, hope, and perspective, which is beyond our understanding.  We are very grateful that He is at work all around us and is using this to touch others’ lives!  The honest truth of this life is that not one of us is guaranteed tomorrow.  Not one on this planet!  We believe this world, with all its brokenness, is not our home.  God is making everything right and new (Revelation 21:4)!!  One day, one hoped and longed for day, there will come this day and all of the days after that, when there is no more death, nor disease, nor crying, nor pain, nor sorrow, for this old world and all of its troubles will all pass away.  Death has been eternally defeated on the cross of Jesus Christ, for ALL who would believe and receive His unfathomable gift of pure mercy and grace!!  God’s love has changed me. it has changed us forever and ever.  There will be no end to His wild pursuit of you, of me!  In our pain, we can choose to let God in or shut Him out (from today’s message at church).   We choose today to let Him in.

Faith

The Beginning

Day one of our journey through cancer began the day after our 12th Wedding Anniversary. We didn’t get to celebrate it yet. Life is busy. Raising four children, running a business, and working through loss had kept our plate full, and our anniversary plans on hold, for a few weeks anyhow.
There is nothing quite like hearing the word “Cancer” come out of the mouth of the one whose consistent love. whom God has used like no other, to undo me in so many broken places! It stopped my tracks cold in the “bad place” I was in. If it wasn’t for knowing my Savior’s sustaining, extravagant love and experiencing His power working in and around me….
It took a couple of days (for the both of us) to get from shock and numbness to the reality of what Mark, what we, were facing. To be honest, there was a lot of repenting going on in those two days! Repenting for grumbling and complaining of an already hard season in life! Repenting for taking time for granted. Hadn’t I learned that lesson, and hard already? Repenting for so many things. Oh, how your life can change in an instant. Hadn’t I recently learned that one too? Repentance is a gift straight from the Father’s heart to His beloved child. The bible says “His loving-kindness leads us to repentance” Romans 2:4. Pouring out our hearts to the ONE who has NEVER failed us became a daily appointment. His grace and hope surrounded us; it does still! He is our Anchor in these waters. We are not alone. He is here for us, and for all who would call on His name. Jesus, the visible image of the presently invisible God!
We are being taken to new depths and experiencing some of God’s innumerous names, those we have only read on paper, but now we are on our way to knowing personally. It became very clear that He wanted us to know Him as “The Rock”. The day after the first, but incomplete diagnosis, the passages of scripture that I read was Psalm 61. The verse where King David is making his plea for God to show up (“Lead me to the rock that is higher than I”) stood out to me. A day after reading that scripture, a sharp image came across my mind. I (lil’ ole me) was standing on The Rock (Mark’s presence was with me as we are one) in the middle of the ocean, a wild storm was raging all around, but I was unmoved! What? My feet were planted on THE ROCK, eyes fixed, although I did not see the Lord, my eyes, my focus was on Him alone! The image has been a constant reminder that He was, that He is near. And, since music has always ministered to my heart, God used a song that could have been written just for me in this moment of HIStory. Out of 400 CD’s, that’s four hundred, I picked out one, randomly I thought, by one of my favorite worship artists, Kim Walker-Smith. Number five is titled “Christ The Rock”!  I don’t recall ever hearing this song! But it was born out a place like this! Here goes the lyrics:

“On Christ the solid rock I stand
No double minded shifting sands

On Christ the rock I plant my feet
A firm foundation for me

On Christ the rock I place my heart
And trust in who You say You are

No circumstance that blows my way
Will never move this solid place
Holy (billowing X 4…I love this part!)
On Christ the solid rock I stand
Leaving behind the fear of man

With Christ the truth I will agree
Forsaking lies that come for me
On Christ the rock I lay my dreams
Come with Your fire consuming me

With Christ the rock I make my plans
Partner with Your purposes”

If you would like to listen to the song, click here https://youtu.be/fCuOW6bdfMU
That first week gets even more grace soaked. Yet travel down the road with me a couple of days later (after the image and song), shortly after leaving a meeting with the radiologist, a friends phone call reignites my weary heart and body. Get this! When I told her about the image God had given me, I heard that one of a kind excitement rise up in her voice as she said “Shannon”! If I were sitting next to her, I bet she would have smacked my leg as if saying “Get out”! I was immediately lifted. I knew something good was coming! She proceeded to tell me that a few weeks after the memorial service of my Dad and brother, which was in May of this year, she sensed God asking her to bring me a rock!! I know!! She had not done it, because the time was not meant for then, but for this moment! Think about how that would have went if she had brought the rock over when God originally laid it on her heart.  Awkward!  She shared the conversation she had with the Lord about that very thing. Quite amusing, as you could imagine!
What a gift for God to give us this daily reminder at the beginning of this trial! I am finding this quote penned by C.S. Lewis to be true. “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

I chose to press into Him that day and He spoke loud and clear to His beloved, yet undeserving daughter. I will choose to trust Him tomorrow and in whatever the future holds. It’s not always easy. But I will get up tomorrow and do it again because my God is good, despite what He allows to flow through His sovereign, but yes, ever loving, ever watching, ever saving, and ever present hands. My hope is not here in this world. It is in the eternal God alone!
This place is flawed. It is seriously broken and unfixable. If you, if I, put my hope in anyone of anything other than God, who created us in and for a love relationship, we will be let down! King Solomon lamented throughout the book of Ecclesiastes that in life “Everything is meaningless”. His argument is that all human effort apart from God’s will are meaningless. He had everything this world could offer. He tried it ALL, but when he left God out of the picture, nothing satisfied Him. Nothing. If we live our life without acknowledging the author of it, and following in His ways, everything we do here is in vain. All of our efforts are in vain. They will not last. They will not be remembered. Very sobering thoughts, I know! Solomon came to the wise conclusion that there is purpose in this life. It is found in knowing God, making Him known, and keeping His commands. This is my life’s quest and I will filter the rest of my days through this prism!

Faith

Mark My Hope

Webster’s Dictionary defines the word “mark” as this: (1) A conspicuous object serving as a guide for travelers.  (2):something (such as a line, notch, or fixed object) designed to record position.
I define the word “Mark” as oh. so many things!  A God Follower.  My cherished husband and bestest friend.  The love of my life.  My richest and truest  blessing and gift from God (with the exception of Jesus)!  A beloved and adored father.  A loyal son and doting brother.   A reMARKable family member.  A faithful friend.  A master of puns.  A fun-gai.  A creative businessman. A humble leader and boss.  A thoughtful and kind person.  A generous and caring human being.  A good man!
Thus the play on words is two fold.  This blog has been created to share the journey about a man, a wonderful man, named Mark.  It was also created to point and  encourage others, who may be in need of just a little more hope, to the Name and Giver of Hope, as we all journey through this broken world…together.